Already got asked if we're dating
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
