I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to make out with him forever
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
