Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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