I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
