This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
