I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
