Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
