My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
