Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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