You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
