dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
