remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
