I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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