Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
