Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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