seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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