Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
