Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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