She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's always time for handjobs
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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