Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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