i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
