Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
