Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
