I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
