I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
