I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
