yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
