Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
