Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
