White coat. Heels.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize