My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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