did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish there were birth control emojis
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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