Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
