i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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