i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i jhust puked up my retainher.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
