After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize