I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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