He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
