we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
