I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My feet surprised me
Your penis caused this!
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