Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
