and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
