News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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