So drunk, too bad you don't want this
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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