He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
