At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize