My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sarcasm needs its own font
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
