drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
