I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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