Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
