Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
