I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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