You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
