this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
