Just cropdusted the office
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize