there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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