Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
