I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will pee on everything he values.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
