Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
