Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Who died my cat blue again?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
