i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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