you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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