After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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