so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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