he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
