i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
